From The Holy Church of Bacon
[edit] Holy Bacon Verses from the Fat Book
"Our Pork Bellies, who art in Swine, hallowed by thine name.
Thy breakfast come, thy will be done, on stovetop, or in the oven.
Give us this day, our daily Bacon and forgive us our Bacon bits as we
forgive those, who blaspheme with sausage or ham. Lead us not, unto turkey
Bacon and deliver us from fatty Bacon. Amen."
- Ra__
[edit] Crispaiah, First Crispinthians vs.1 ps 2
And from the land of Zog came the earth mother and
issued fourth a fragrant deluge of
Bacon onto the Israelites. Shemp of Magog instructed
them to make a mighty host of wheaten bread with which
to soppeth the grease spilled upon the land.
(Translated by Mr. Dave, former Crispy High Priest, Keeper of the Salty Scepter)
[edit] Luke, Bacon Psalms, no. 211
From the Shat al'Lardon came fourth Moab to confront
the unbelievers of Elah, the eaters of ham, the deniers of
grease. Upon them he hoped to share his crispy knowledge
of the unspeakably porky delights of the Crispy One who
art in heaven. Clad only in pants of Bacon he stood before
the host.
(Translated by Mr. Dave, former Crispy High Priest, who verily resisted Turkey Bacon Virgin of Baal)
[edit] Paul, Bacony Revelations, vs 15, ps 455
From the Heavens came a crispy voice which said onto Paul-
"Take these words as the commandments of your Porky God."
Onto Paul were given the 10 Greasy Guidelines on the summit
of Mount Crispyat.
1. Thou must eateth Bacon not only in the morning, but also
at lunch.
2. Thou must annointeth thine body daily with grease.
3. Thou shalt not covet thine neighbors Bacon.
4. Thine Bacon shall always be crisp, never soggy.
5. Thine Bacon shall be always made of pork, there is sin
in turkey.
6. Thine women must be allowed to shareth in Bacon.
7. Bacon shall be wasted not.
8. Idle Bacon is the devils work, keep always Bacon in use.
9. You shall not offer Bacon to false gods
10. If your neighbor lacketh Bacon, give on to him some of
thine own so that you may eateth Bacon together.
(Translated by Mr. Dave, former Crispy High Priest, protector of the Savory Shrine)
[edit] Esah, Parables of Bacon, vs 34, ps 444
Esah came upon a slice of turkey Bacon in the desert of Palestine,
the slice was bathed in a dulcimer light, tempting faithful Esah
with the promise of false crispiness. He said onto the sorry slice,
"Nay, Nay, I shall eateth of you naught." Wherin the foul turkey
pretender said onto him, "Our name is Legion." Esah smote the hateful
beast with a mighty stroke of his tallywhacker.
(Translated from ancient Araporcine by Mr. Dave, the Crispy Guy of Ganz)
[edit] See Also
